Luzzio

A few months ago the doubt of entering an office job for the rest of my life loomed above my head. I was depressed, without daily contact with faces I’d been accustomed to seeing for days over months, the holiday giving me far too much free time than I knew what to do with.

Fine. 99% of my time is spent either cooking, studying, writing, listening to music, crapping with friends, socializing etc. I’m a perfectly functional human being who isn’t spending the majority of my life being depressed over something.

And now that the grind that I’ve been craving for is back… well, what then? There’ll always be idle moments. It’s inescapable. Showers, lying in bed waiting for sleep to kick in, walking to lectures, Tesco, or waiting for the 147 Bus to arrive, Manchester’s increasingly chilling winds blowing against you, leaning your thoughts towards more depressing things, like unrequited love, or reflections on whether I’ve picked the right career.

I like what I study. I like it to the point of openly accepting it smugly when my friends tease me as a nerd. I don’t mind that at all. It gives me an identity, something that may set me apart from the rest of the crowd. Maybe it’s because I don’t have anything else to do with life, or maybe the blend of logic and creativity in the form of human made rules does, well, really fascinate me.

But as a career?

A caveat: The moment you begin to think that I’m irresponsible for not choosing a career I would indefinitely enjoy, then I’m afraid you’re wrong, and terrible arrogance being your fault. I’m sure everyone has doubts and ponders on the kind of life they want to lead, no matter and variety the path they tread.

As a career… do I really want to spend the rest of my life entering a big solid building via it’s underground car-park after suffering the dreaded morning jams, sitting in a white box for 9 hours a day solving other people’s bureaucratic and self interest-based problem?

A part of me always wanted to go into journalism, or film.

But I guess it takes a whole different kind of talent to excel in that field and reach a comfortable lifestyle. Again with reality waving, I suppose bills have to be paid. I highly doubt that most people working in concrete buildings would like to be there… drones. What drives them? I don’t know. Children’s future, comfortable life for the loved ones, that one week overseas holiday you’ve been saving up years for… whatever people decide to fill up the remainder of their lives with.

I’m sorry if I’m always asking and looking out for the next big thing. Like some say, maybe one thinks too much.