Well, hello.
I haven’t really written to you in awhile. Did I ever give you a name? I don’t think so. Maybe it’s your URL. But it doesn’t matter.
My style of writing has changed. Instead of directly saying it, I compress however I feel into short little pieces. Indifference, love, humility, all of it.I wrote a piece recently about how the world would be afraid of us if we did not wear masks. We put it on because we don’t want our loved ones to see the entire truth that is us. This is very true. It seems to be only the people you really want to be with who you can’t be yourself around. It’s a shame.
So maybe the worst has passed. I wrote half a year back of the pain and how afraid I was of getting over Xiao Yu. She was so much to me. Her existence completed my life. I remember spending a bout with the bottle, skipping classes and just staying indoors because of how little life seemed to matter without someone who loves you. I remember Janet’s plead to stop. Stop letting her ruin you.
And indifference, sensuality, was born.
The irony of life is that the less of a fuck you give about the person, the more likely it is that you’re going to be comfortable with them. Not caring whether or not you embarrass your soul, or if making that lewd remark will forever stain your impression in that person’s eyes, makes you shine. A guy stops contributing to the gene pool if he can’t make a girl laugh. Ah, sensuality. The grinding, the body, the boobs, eyes, the smell of her perfume.
Is this what I’m getting into? I… would like to say I feel bitter. But do I feel bitter? It’s not so much that I’ve given up on love… but I don’t think I’m ready for it. Let us be young. Fuck a little. I wish Malaysian girls were more open to one night stands. Don’t you? Monogamy, one true love, itself, and the virtues of fidelity it preaches becomes my enemy, if only because I do not have it. So I become the anti-christ. We become the anti-christ. We, the unloved, who lavish our body with drink, money, the meat that is the female body, we preach the opposite. Pooh-pooing on true love, we describe objectivism, we point to Darwin, we create stories of the evil that is one true love. We depict it as a vengeful and paranoid thing, cannibalizing on its brothers, other sort of lesser loves that cannot be allowed to prevail in its eyes because it is The One. The true.
The truth, of course, is objectiveness. As there is no God, and only the uncaring universe; there are no values. There is no true love. There is no love. There is no all encompassing purpose in life. Life has no purpose. So how do we live with that?
Let me explain to you how we do. We dive into politics, and how the government controls the people, how it persuades individuals to unite.
We begin with the earliest, and probably most effective, tool in history. Religion. Christianity, Islam, what have you. Religion was the first unity. And how did religion work? By tapping into the most primal instinct of man: self-centered survival. We, they, the Kings, elite, the bourgeois as they would be known in our later paragraphs, as they take many forms, created the idea of a vulnerable ’soul’. Thou shalt not kill, steal, lust, sloth. For if you do, then thy soul be damned. Never-mind the physical. Life itself is an illusion. We, from nothing, created something. From the empty flesh came soul. NEVERMIND that living in bliss in heaven for all eternity begs the question of PURPOSE and whether or not if all our virtues were for nothing but ironically admitting ourselves to sensuality for all eternity; Physical life itself finally had a purpose.
But as man became more intelligent, the more we realized that God is dead. And so we became bitter once more. And so the theorist and the philosophers created philosophy and theories. We created mythical kingdoms united by magical strips of invisible borders, everything within those borders somehow justified to be entrapped within by the all knowing elite. Within these borders, we called it Country. Capitalism, communism, all theories used by those rushing to the top to rule, as a savage feud between ideas. But ideas of what? Ideas on how to survive. Capitalism promoted efficiency, communism the purity of man’s labour. But to what end? Again, the Kings had beguiled us. LIFE itself, its purpose, that question is begged! And somehow, with governments, jobs, cubicles within tall towers of steel, ties and slacks and white shirts and army boots, LIFE ITSELF IS PRESUMED TO HAVE A PURPOSE.
BUT WHAT IS THAT PURPOSE?!?!
“Oh, we don’t know. Go figure that out for yourself. But, hey look here. We’ve got a model for efficiently running life itself so you may go find that purpose. It’s called capitalism. Country. Governance.”
And men were tricked once more.
Communism itself, in the future, will replace capitalism. Mark my words. But it will be the same nothing. Meerely an illusion, a myth and idea of life. And so, dear reader. With life itself having no purpose, what do we do? The beauty of the universe, is, as most enlightened souls will say, that it is indifferent. We are more free than we think. We have no pre-defined purpose. We are not bound by an all seeing God. We are not bound by morality, some mystical and cosmic Act of Parliament of the Universe that is engraved into the fabric of existence.
I say go forth, and make your own purpose. Very well. We all die. Life has no purpose. Nevermind. Make your purpose. And while we wander around aimlessly, I found one.
Love of others.
It is a cheating, cunning, and oh so cheeky solution. Nevermind that we ourselves are nothing. Nevermind that all we feel is sensuality. Direct all that we do in life, to someone who makes us happy. Someone we, whatever it means, love. Support them, let them chase their dreams, Find happiness in them. It is cheating because while we cannot find purpose within, we have found it within other empty shells, as they would probably do the same.
Life has no purpose. So love. It is all sensuality. So love.